Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My bed smells like the plague
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
