I wish I only lived at night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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