He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
