Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
