why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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