Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
