What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
