This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
