People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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