Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
