We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
