I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
