Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
