I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
