16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
