Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
