I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
