Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
