Betty ford says i'm here all night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
