my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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