no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
