Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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