my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
