She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dignity is for republicans.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
