just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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