I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
