I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
