i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize