She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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