We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
