I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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