U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
