Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
