I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
