FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
