i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
