just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
