Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
