you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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