remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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