hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
