great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
