remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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