Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
