Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
