When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
