i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
