Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
me + whiskey = a bad person
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
