he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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