I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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