when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We are two peas in an std pod
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
