I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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