if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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