I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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