last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize