When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
