You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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