Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
