I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
