Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
