I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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