halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
