So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
