Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
