I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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