he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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