Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
