If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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